12 dead, 34 missing after Midsomer Norton snowfall

12 people have died and 34 are still missing after Midsomer Norton was devastated by an overwhelming two centimetres of snow that fell over a single five hour period earlier.

Alarms were raised early yesterday after local dog walker Jerome Bustyfield saw a single snowflake float to the ground at some time after 8am.

“I ran home as fast as I could to warn others” stated Jerome, “But by then it was too late. It had started pitching on car rooftops. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“It was like the first 20 minutes of ‘Saving Private Ryan’. People didn’t know what to do. I passed a grown man on the high street led down in the foetal position just sobbing.”

“I don’t think he made it.”

Supermarkets were overwhelmed as panicked residents poured in to get supplies.

“It was chaos.” Said Norton Sainsbury’s manager Iain Peacock, “Within minutes we were out of bottled water, tinned goods, bread and ‘The Intern’ on DVD. Though that last one may have been unrelated.”

“I saw one man trying to sell his child for a bag of salt. It was all really rather disturbing. I never want to have to go through that again.”

“I’ve spent most of my day waving my clenched fist at the sky.”

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