The False Widow Spider community has been told to be on the lookout for increasing number of humans after experts have warned about a rise in the population.
The news comes after experts reported that the Prince and Princess humans have recently bore a child, leading to an expected increase in human reproduction rates.
Sammy the Spider, a leading human expert, claimed that spiders everywhere should be vigilant,
“Humans tend to reproduce more when their leaders bear children. We’re not really sure why.”
“It is important to be aware that humans are not dangerous, unless you run full pelt towards them or get into bed with them. If they feel threatened they may act out aggressively or flap about uncontrollably. Especially the males.”
“It’s an interesting fact that whilst many spiders consider humans to be nothing more than a pest, they’re actually an essential element to our eco-system. Without humans, we would have no garden sheds or doorways.”
“Ugghh I absolutely hate humans.” said Gina, a False Widow from Essex. “Especially the bulbous bellied ones. My mate got sat on by one last month. She couldn’t walk straight for a week.”
“I don’t care how nice they can be. If I see one I will most certainly lose my shit.”
Experts have issued advice about humans on the human awareness website.
“If you see a human, always remember, they’re more scared of you than you are of them.”
“And contrary to popular belief, it is definitely not a good idea to run towards their feet.”