Hundreds of residents across Midsomer Norton are looking forward to once again not being able to recall a thing about their wholly unexceptional nights out, it has been reported.
Ever since pub Mallards closed its doors at the end of 2016, local drinkers have complained that they couldn’t get shit-faced enough to forget about their mediocre lives.
“Mallards represented the point in the night where it became acceptable to drink myself into oblivion” said local Jerome Bustyfield, “Where anything seemed possible. Kebab? Fat Sams? Who knew. Who cared?”
“But since it closed, it took away my opportunity to do stupid shit.
Now I just go home around 11, watch the end of Tattoo Fixers and ultimately wake up the next morning able to remember the whole horrid affair.”
Fellow drinker Gina DeCampo agreed,
“With Mallards re-opening, I look forward to being able to return to my state of excessive inebriation that allows me to believe I’m having the best night of my life when in reality I’m just pathetically stumbling down the highstreet in the dark screaming Rihanna songs.”
“After all, the magic of a night out in Midsomer Norton isn’t quite the same if you can actually remember how utterly shit it was.”