Local conservative MP Jacob-Rees-Mogg is actually a delinquent chav masquerading in an expensive yet ill-fitting suit, insiders close to the politician have revealed.
“Don’t let his upper class, flimsy appearance deceive you.” an insider has warned “If you tell him you vote Labour he may very well flip out and stab you in the face” .
“Around the halls of Westminster he’s known as ‘ASBO the Great’ and nobody messes with him.”
Jerome Bustyfield is a former aide to the MP,
“With the TV cameras on, it’s all about education reform and trade tariffs.”
“But as soon as they switch off he likes nothing more than swilling cans of Stella while shouting ill-informed comments at whatever daytime TV show he is watching”
“Oh and every other Wednesday you can be sure he’s down the benefits office, trying to persuade some sap that he only looks like an MP and actually hasn’t worked in 4 years.”
“I once told him that I thought his imminent appearance on the Jeremy Kyle show was probably not a good idea, so he put me in a sleeper hold until I passed out.”
“The guy’s fucking crazy.”