The 18-30 community of Midsomer Norton have been forced to admit that club Fat Sams “can’t be all that bad” after consistently failing to follow through on multiple vows never to go there again.
According to recent survey, 98% of local residents under 30 who had sworn they’d never return to the club after waking up in the foetal position in various parts of their houses and gardens the following Sunday morning have repeatedly broken their self-made promises never to return.
Gina DeCampo, 24, a party girl from Westfield, is a self-confessed regular.
“I’ll start the night off with no intention of going near the place. But alas 4 tequilas, 3 Jagerbombs and some really shit Pinot Grigio later I’m in the middle of the dance floor twerking my face off to Dizzee Rascal.”
“Yet every time I wake up the next morning and see that cunting wristband another little piece of my soul abruptly dies.”
Jerome Bustyfield, a drunkard from Paulton, agreed.
“Every pint I drink I feel this intangible pull towards the dark place. As soon as I hear Fatman Scoop telling me to put my hands up if I have a fifty dollar bill then that’s it, game over, I’m there. I don’t even like that bastard song.”
However Jerome is one of many who have been forced to admit there must be something pulling him in over and over again.
“I mean yeah it’s really shit. But I suppose it can’t be all that bad, can it?”
“I know I’m going to end up in a gutter somewhere, mumbling incoherently to my doner kebab, with no recollection of ever being there. But that’s the price you pay for being a total fucking dick, I suppose.”