A spokesperson for Buckingham Palace has confirmed Prince Harry’s official leaving drinks doo will be the usual Norton high street pub crawl, scheduled for next week, with a “higher than usual” chance of winding up in Fat Sams. A spokesperson for the prince has advised attendees to be at Wetherspoons at 7pm sharp for some…
The candidates for the North-East Somerset parliamentary seat have decided to scrap the traditional ballot election and will instead determine a winner by seeing who can down ten jagerbombs in a row. “Honestly, counting all those ballot papers is going to be such a complete ball ache” claims local election official Jerome Bustyfield. “And have…
Pubs in Midsomer Norton have set up “piss head only” segments of bar, exclusively for regulars wishing to avoid tedious queues of festive pub-goers who haven’t got a fucking clue how to order alcohol. While putting up the Christmas tree and festive decorations, pubs are also setting up “express lane” schemes that will separate drunken…
Prince Harry’s stag will take him down the usual Crossways, Mallards and possibly Fat Sams route, Buckingham Palace has confirmed this morning. While many suspected the prince may have opted to go upmarket and head to Bath, sources at the palace have finally confirmed he’ll probably just wind up on the High Street before making…
Heterosexual men in Midsomer Norton are insisting to their spouses that they need to get absolutely shitfaced in town this weekend or risk being labelled massive homophobes. June 18th sees Midsomer Norton’s first ever Gay Pride Festival, which will feature live music, comedy performances, art pieces and more importantly, pubs that sell delicious alcohol. Local…
The opening of Midsomer Norton’s Wetherspoons has been delayed after a family of ghosts have been found living in the abandoned cinema. The opening date for the Wetherspoons outlet has already been delayed before, but the discovery of four immortal souls – one of whom appears to be overtly sociable – is expected to cause…
Pub chain Wetherspoons have announced plans to turn The Palladium into a “Drive Thru” where punters can capitalise on cheap booze without having to be seen in a Wetherspoons. “Being able to acquire a pint of Doombar for under £2 is a basic human right” claims local rights activist Jerome Bustyfield, “but as you can…
Midsomer Norton has been labelled dull and tedious now all the exciting drug-fuelled antics have stopped. Raids last month have dried up the area’s drug supply, giving many residents no other choice than to face the dreary monotony of real life. “It used to be such a magical place where you felt like anything could…
Councillors have opted to leave the future of the Wunderbar up to how its locals perform in a series of hilarious challenges, it has been revealed. The local council today announced that the fate of the popular cellar bar – which is facing closure – will depend solely on a bungling, inept motley crew of…
Everyone in Midsomer Norton will try and outsmart each other by going to the pub earlier than usual this Easter Sunday to try and avoid the Bank Holiday rush. Thousands of drinkers will think they’re being clever by frequenting their preferred drinking spots about “half an hour earlier”. “It’s a sound tactic on paper” claimed…
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