Manchester United fans have begun to contemplate the meaning of life as well as other philosophical conundrums now that they aren’t entirely consumed with winning everything.
“A 2-2 draw with Fulham just isn’t something I particularly want to dwell on for very long” said Man United fan Jerome Bustyfield, from Radstock.
“I really needed something to fill the gaping hole that used to be occupied with feelings of self-congratulations for achievements I had nothing to do with.”
“And what better way than reflective and insightful philosophy.”
Jerome Bustyfield is a Manchester United fan from Midsomer Norton,
“I’ve just been perched in the conservatory for the last 2 weeks, dressed in the bed sheets whilst thoughtfully staring at the tree in my neighbour’s garden, gently stroking my chin and contemplating profound thoughts.”
“And eating lots of grapes, for some reason.”
“My wife isn’t happy with my new, calmer self. But that’s only because she’s distracted by superficial nonsense, like clothes, rent and food for the children.
I prefer to be overwhelmed by simplistic beauty, like the smell of a freshly mown meadow in the spring, or the sound of a nearby babbling brook.”
“That said, if we can’t even beat West Brom this weekend I may very well jump off a fucking bridge.”