Experts have warned that the imminent arrival of Mother’s Day will soon trigger the start of the annual plague of lost, confused and panicked males who will soon descend towards the Norton High Street.
Experts have claimed that from Friday the town centre is going to be full of disillusioned and flummoxed males who thought they could waltz onto the High Street and pick up the perfect gift in only a few minutes.
“I had visions of beautiful silver and floral bouquets when I headed towards the shops” said Iain Peacock, 23, from Norton.
“Then I panicked and I’ve been staring at this alarm clock shaped like a penguin for 40 minutes now and I just can’t seem to work out if it’s a good idea or a really, really shit idea.
I was foolish to think I could do this alone.”
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“It’s like a really pathetic zombie invasion” said Doris, a sales assistant at Reflections, “The High Street is full of irate men wandering around aimlessly, but instead of hunting human flesh, they’re all fretting over photo frames and scented candle gift baskets.”
“This yearly ordeal often proves a little too much for some of the younger ones, who often break down in a muddled heap in the corner of the store.
When that happens we put a blanket over them, give them a nice cup of hot chocolate and show them our selection of personalised ballpoint pens.”
“That always helps.”
Daniel is a 16 year old student from Westfield,
“Last year I recall feeling very overwhelmed by the selection of luxury shower hampers in Argos.
The next thing I remember I was being picked up by paramedics in the middle of the High street where I was apparently murmuring incoherently about spa treatments.”
Not this year. I’ve ordered mum a corkscrew shaped like a pirate from Amazon.com.
She’ll bloody love that.”