Regulars at the White Hart in Midsomer Norton spoke of their shock and amazement as Dr. Who star Peter Capaldi joined them for a Monday afternoon drinking session and candidly revealed inside information and spoiler details about the popular BBC Sci-Fi drama.
Stunned drinker Graham Anuscream revealed that Capaldi, 55, ordered “pint after pint” of Cheddar Valley cider, and became increasingly loose lipped, revealing to the assembled group of out of work locals that..
…he had personally requested that the BBC considered a “modernised design” for the Tardis, based loosely on Midsomer Norton’s controversial “20 pee a plop” public WC, but the Chief Commissioning Officer had told him his idea was “fucking ridiculous” because “no one pays for a shit outside of the space time continuum”.
… open casting for new alien species had been held at The Legion in Coleford, but some of the ‘auditioners’ features had been deemed “too shocking for primetime TV”.
…Due to budget cuts, all of the special effects and make up for the 2014 Xmas special will be provided by local novelty and Fancy Dress emporium Party Plus, meaning that expensive pyrotechnics and prosthetic make up will be replaced by deadstock Taiwanese-produced party poppers and out-of-date fake Dracula blood.
Before leaving Capaldi openly boasted of once “fingering some bird from Fat Sams” and claimed that he was off to “sort out his missus” and “hopefully switch lanes” before staggering out of the door and hailing a taxi to Nunney Catch via Nice N Spice in Radstock.
A spokesman for the Norton Town Council said (whilst cleaning a massive Gold Necklace),
“We will be watching the new series of Dr Who with a very keen eye, and if any of the 1000 or so aspects of design copyright which we registered during the construction of our futuristic High Street Chod Bin have been used unlawfully, there will be fucking hell to pay.”.
Last night a spokesman for Capaldi told reporters,
“He’s a fucking nightmare after a few jars”.