A new outreach program begins tomorrow to help delusional Spurs fans “face reality” and stop living in denial, in the latest council initiative.
After spending the entire summer refusing to accept that Gareth Bale would ever leave the club, as well as believing their inferior signings will somehow inexplicably lead to them winning the league, Spurs fans have been offered free government sponsored counselling to help them start living in the real world.
Jerome Bustyfield, a council spokesperson, claims that fans of Tottenham Hotspur are some of the last to accept the reality around them.
“Manchester United fans have come to terms with the fact that David Moyes is significantly shitter than Fergie. Arsenal fans have come to terms with the fact that the next time they win silverware they’ll be travelling to the Emirates on rocket propelled skateboards, and Liverpool fans have come to terms with the fact their entire team is comprised of complete tosspots.”
“Yet there are still many confused Spurs fans out there, pretending to be normal people. Some even believe they could win the league. It really is very upsetting. We need to make sure they get the same help as everybody else.”
“Tottenham’s positive start to the season is ultimately going to make things worse.”
Bustyfield is confident the council initiatives were going to be successful.
“There are still so many out there that still need our help. We won’t rest until every Spurs fan realises exactly how shit their club really is.”
“We owe it to them.”
Iain Peacock is a Spurs fan that has accepted help.
“I was living in a dream world and wouldn’t accept the truth. I’m so lucky my friends stuck with me during this difficult time.”
“The future is brighter now. I’m even thinking about following cricket.”
“Still though, one day at a time.”