Midsomer Norton town council has announced plans to rename Valentine’s Day to “Loneliness Awareness Day” because that is essentially what it is.
A spokesperson for the town council announced the plans today.
“Perhaps people have made past mistakes, perhaps they’re just really ugly. Whatever the reason, it is important to make people aware that they are unloved and alone at least once every year.”
“Martins Newsagents will have a mixed range of ‘Happy Loneliness Awareness Day’ Hallmark cards available.
Inscriptions vary from ‘What is wrong with you?’ to ‘Just give up’.”
Iain Peacock from Westfield has been single for 5 years and 34 days.
“It is a day where I get to celebrate how pathetically alone I am by reading the constant barrage of Facebook statuses from my couple friends about how they totally complete one another.”
“After that I like to finish the day by pitifully sobbing into my bed sheets, rhetorically questioning why nobody loves me.”
“I am probably getting a cat this year.”
Jerome Bustyfield was in a relationship but has now been single for over 3 years.
“I split with my girlfriend in search for the promised single life. However I do feel that I’ve been misled by Calvin Harris’s music videos.”
I am not clubbing in exotic bars and shagging beautiful girls every weekend, as much as I am in my darkened room frantically masturbating to the nude scenes in ‘Game of Thrones’”
“It’s fun to pretend to my friends that I’m okay with it all when actually I’m completely dead inside.”