BREAKING: A man has been spotted between Paulton and Norton performing the antiquated “dickhead” vibrating hand motion to another motorist, in what has been described as an incredibly rare sighting. Jerome Bustyfield, a 55-year-old office worker and dad-of-three from Midsomer Norton who still thinks broadband Internet is a fad and we’re all going to end…
A 32 year old woman from Midsomer Norton has posted “New Year, New Me” on Facebook, despite the fact that she’ll spend all of next year as the same classless tosspot she has been for most of her life. Chantelle DiCampo, a social media addict from Westfield whose 17 year old son is currently robbing…
A local man from Midsomer Norton can’t stop telling people about how he couldn’t give two shits about the Royal Wedding. Jerome Bustyfield, who works on the Westfield Trading Estate, has spent most of this week posting Facebook updates about how utterly uninterested he is towards Harry and Meghan’s upcoming nuptials. “I posted an image…
Large gatherings of people in Frome have been attributed to the town’s famous “Potato and Seed Swap” day, sources have confirmed. Dubbed ‘the only place to go for any keen gardener or allotmenteer needs‘, the country market event is known for its exceptional deals on a variety of garden based vegetables and seeds. As TV…
Pokémon Go character Pikachu has been arrested in Midsomer Norton skatepark on drug related charges, sources have revealed. According to a police spokesperson, officers were called to the skate park after reports of someone harassing the public by demanding they throw balls at him. “Officers arrived at the scene to discover an obviously intoxicated individual…
Only days after the M-Fest festival in Midsomer Norton comes to an end, unconfirmed rumours have already started spreading over which acts will headline M-Fest 2017. Acts like “those guys with the guitars” and “that quite tall brunette woman” impressed many dozens of festival goers in the iconic “lorry in the middle of the road”…
Heterosexual men in Midsomer Norton are insisting to their spouses that they need to get absolutely shitfaced in town this weekend or risk being labelled massive homophobes. June 18th sees Midsomer Norton’s first ever Gay Pride Festival, which will feature live music, comedy performances, art pieces and more importantly, pubs that sell delicious alcohol. Local…
Men are being warned that redeemable sex vouchers created with Microsoft Publisher with vaguely amusing clipart graphics do not constitute an acceptable gift for Valentine’s Day. “My voucher had an image of some lips and a bed on it.” said boyfriend Jerome Bustyfield from Radstock. “And the text was in Edwardian Script font which I…
Shopping centres in the local area are flooded with panicked men pointing at stationary pads and file dividers exclaiming “that’ll do”. Men have taken to social media to wish each other good luck as they fearlessly charge onto the battlefield with only hours to go before the shops finally tell people to fuck off as…
Officials have today told local residents that the best way to enjoy Midsomer Norton carnival night is to stay at home and watch ‘I’m a Celebrity’ on the telly. The advice released by the council has claimed that staying at home in front of the TV means there is little chance of getting both cold…
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