The weekend forecast of rain has been blamed on the collective wishes of bitter people who couldn’t get tickets for Glastonbury, it has emerged.
After 3 weeks of glorious heat and sunshine, the first day of Glastonbury is expected to see torrential rainfall, much to the utter, hysterical delight of everyone not going.
“We all gathered naked around a bonfire full of backpacks and sandals and did a rain dance” said non-festival goer Gina DeCampo from Radstock.
“I didn’t expect anything to come from it, but I thought I might make some friends.”
Jerome Bustyfield from Coleford agreed,
“For a total of 132 minutes I stood in front of a computer screen pressing F5, only to be constantly rejected by a webpage. I’m not a horrible person… but I hope everyone who goes to Glastonbury fucking drowns.”
Iain Peacock was one of the lucky ones who managed to get a ticket.
“I go to Glastonbury in pursuit of the perfect vibe. However it’s hard to find the vibe when you have a constant stream of mud and piss flowing right past your bloody tent.”