Heterosexual men in Midsomer Norton are insisting to their spouses that they need to get absolutely shitfaced in town this weekend or risk being labelled massive homophobes.
June 18th sees Midsomer Norton’s first ever Gay Pride Festival, which will feature live music, comedy performances, art pieces and more importantly, pubs that sell delicious alcohol.
Local heterosexual beer enthusiast Jerome Bustyfield told us,
“I’ve always liked them gays, so if I have to down shots of Jager all night and be generally merry to support their rights, then that is exactly what I’m going to do.”
“I’m not doing this for me.”
Fellow straight man Iain Peacock agrees…
“This event sounds absolutely dreadful. I very much dislike live music, comedy and beer, but I guess I’ll have to take one for the team this weekend. After all, I ain’t no homophobe.
That’s a very well-known thing about me.”
“Besides, I’ve been working on this fabulous handlebar moustache for 2 weeks now and it’ll be a waste if I don’t show up”
However Peacock’s wife has grown suspicious,
“I’m not sure I’m buying this anymore. Apparently last week was Flag Day in the USA, and he came back at 3am stinking of cigarettes and booze, murmuring incoherently about supporting the rights of flags.”
“I think I’m being duped in some way.”