Midsomer Norton has once again successfully celebrated the annual rioting festival known as “Black Friday” yesterday.
Often dubbed ‘The Purge Friday’, shoppers from all over the Norton-Radstock area emerged from their houses to pummel each other with heavily discounted kettles and iPod docking stations.
“We usually go away for Black Friday, but this year we wanted to riot locally” said bargain hunter Jerome Bustyfield, “It’s just more fun when you’re trampling over the lifeless bodies of friends and neighbours.”
“This year I scored a 42-inch flat-screen from Argos. The corner is a little dented from that pensioners face, and I had to trade in my youngest for it, but I saved £12.50, so you gotta ask… who’s the real winner?
Midsomer Norton council leaders announced the beginning of Black Friday late Thursday evening by throwing Molotov cocktails at Reflections gift shop and shouting “It’s on, bitches.”
Spokesperson Iain Peacock was on hand to offer advice to attendees,
“We encourage all shoppers to just assume that everyone in close proximity is trying to kill you, and to remember that those who panic buy always get the best deals at the end of the day.”
“Also, old people should be considered crafty and more likely to shaft you out of that Android tablet.”
Despite the mayhem, Peacock stated that the council still had the high-street cleaned up by 9am Saturday morning.
“To be fair, it’s Midsomer Norton so it’s hard to tell if it was rioting or just, well, a Friday.
Either way the outcome is the same. 12 missing and 42 dead.”