A council initiative has been launched in Midsomer Norton to teach people how to stop being so fucking annoying on Facebook.
Dan Dante, a council spokesperson, claims the scheme kicks off next week.
“It may come as a bit of a shock to some people, but Facebook is actually not the go-to place to post a running commentary on basically how tragic your wretched life has become.”
“Mainly because around 80% of your Facebook friends are either old school mates or people you met on holiday who you swore you’d keep in touch with and didn’t.
“And if you’re being honest with yourself, do these people give two shits about you?”
“Probably not.”
Iain Peacock is the social media expert who designed the scheme,
“The objective here is to teach people to stop being pathetic attention-seeking twats desperately craving comments to their pitiful status updates, and turn them into productive members of society.”
“We understand that being fucking annoying on Facebook can be quite addictive and going cold turkey may be rather hard.
So those who join the council scheme will get free membership to our new website that looks exactly like Facebook where you can post shit about your break-up in as much inappropriate detail as you like.
But no one will ever see it, and you still get that irreplaceable feeling of knowing that you’re behaving like an absolute cunt.”
“Don’t worry about registering. Your friends have already signed you up.”