Residents of Midsomer Norton are on alert after being told to brace themselves to expect the most completely typical winter since records began.
Local basement-dwelling meteorologist Jerome Bustyfield has warned that the weather will slowly become a little less like summer, because winter is approaching, and that’s what usually happens.
“Midsomer Norton will soon be facing what can only be described as slightly below mild temperatures with a moderately increased chance of rainfall.
We’re even going to say that over the next 3 months there is a slim-to-average chance of snow.”
“Residents should also expect to see the nights getting longer and for at least one evening this month you should prepare yourself to see people dressed up as witches, vampires and characters from The Walking Dead.”
The council have stated that all public services should operate as normal. Except for buses, which of course will all probably be cancelled.
But the shocking news doesn’t stop there. Bustyfield has claimed that before any of this happens people can expect to see leaves turn a brownish yellow colour and literally just fall from the trees.
“The most sensible thing you can do is run around screaming in a total panic, under no circumstances verify anything we say and make sure you blindly share this news on Facebook.
You should probably also just assume you’re going to die.”