People who own selfie sticks – a.k.a. narcissism wands – are all self-loving, egotistical cunts, studies have revealed.
“Our research has shown a selfie stick is three times more likely to make you a pathologically self-absorbed shit” said Jerome Bustyfield from the Foundation of Research, “Even if you own one ‘ironically’ “.
Taking photos of yourself pretending to be asleep is the only thing people can do that is more utterly tragic than using a selfie stick, research has highlighted.
“It is vital for my wellbeing that I broadcast everything I do on Facebook in real time.” says Iain Peacock, a self-obsessed cunt from Radstock, “Including the inevitable weekend flurry of near identical shots of my gormless smiling face taken from the end of a long stick.”
“I broadcast them on Facebook along with my quiz results from ‘What kind of North American fruit are you?’ and every other self-centred thought that flutters through my pathetic, fickle brain.”
“Admittedly it’s all a hollow charade to cover up my fear of being sad and alone.”
“Or is it my fear of being perceived by others as sad and alone?”
“My narcissism has made it practically impossible for me to decide which is worse.”
“I may need help.”