After police close Stones Cross pub for drug offences, authorities have warned local residents of an expected increase of thirsty vampires who will have nowhere to go now. For centuries the Stones Cross Pub has acted as a supernatural drinking portal between the fiery realms of demonic night-creatures and planet Earth. But now residents are…
Midsomer Norton council have announced that they will begin charging punters to watch brawling outside Fat Sams nightclub in the early hours of the morning. After learning just how much pubs get charged to obtain a pub licence for boxing matches like the upcoming Groves/Froch rematch, a council spokesperson has announced they are keen to…
The Greyhound is to be converted into a Japanese Rock Zen Garden where drinkers can “find themselves” between pubs, in the latest council initiative to combat weekend violence. The news comes as the Greyhound Pub once again announces that it is to close its doors because “everyone is really, really mean”. The state-of-the-art Rock Garden…
73% of people who live in or around Midsomer Norton have at one point managed the Greyhound Pub, a survey has revealed. The survey results come at a time when the Greyhound is once again within the throes of another “change of hands”. Dan Dante, a supermarket checkout clerk, managed the pub several years back,…
The 18-30 community of Midsomer Norton have been forced to admit that club Fat Sams “can’t be all that bad” after consistently failing to follow through on multiple vows never to go there again. According to recent survey, 98% of local residents under 30 who had sworn they’d never return to the club after waking…
US President Barack Obama has today continued efforts to forge a UN coalition in support of military intervention against Midsomer Norton during Friday and Saturday nights, it has emerged. Speaking in a press conference today, Obama was confident plans would progress. “It is clear that the UK government isn’t adequately dealing with the increasingly worrying…
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