As carnival season gets under way, health officials have reminded local residents that getting run over by carnival floats could be bad for your health.
Just like every year, officials have reiterated advice that carnival goers should avoid walking or standing right in front of extremely large carnival floats, as well as the large tractors that pull them. This is because, according to experts, getting run over by something that weighs over 30 tonnes is likely to have a detrimental effect on your health.
“This isn’t difficult…” says Midsomer Norton carnival official Jerome Bustyfield, “You’d think that a massive float, illuminated by over 3000 light bulbs, travelling at a steady 4mph while blaring out ‘Loco in Acapulco’ at a deafening volume wouldn’t be a particularly difficult thing to avoid.”
“So if you do see one, please ensure that you are not idly stood right in fucking front of it.”
The mandatory reminder comes after reports that Midsomer Norton carnival drivers have been told to ‘stop for no one‘ to help avoid the parade being held up again.
“Stand in front of a carnival float and we will consider you collateral damage.” warns Bustyfield, “This carnival isn’t going to be stalled again” ,
Carnival goers have also been reminded that in order to get the best possible experience at this year’s parade, ensure that you are facing towards the floats with your eyes in the open position.
And if all you can see is white panelling, you’re probably stood behind a burger van.