A man is planning on treating his first ever girlfriend to what will almost certainly be a very disappointing Valentine’s meal in the new Palladium Wetherspoons, reports have emerged.
Novice Jerome Bustyfield from Welton has been dating his girlfriend for 5 months, and has planned an astonishingly bland slap-up meal in the Palladium followed by a “river side” walk down the High Street.
“Nothing encapsulates the affection I have for my girlfriend like a lukewarm lasagne with chips, washed down by the finest pinot grigio from Turkmenistan. All for under a tenner.”
“All to the background ambiance of old, drunk men arguing over Brexit”
“Afterwards we’ll pop into the newsagents and pick up a crème egg for dessert. My treat”
“She’ll really like that.”
“He phoned up trying to make a reservation” said Wetherspoons Palladium manager Ian Peacock. “I tried to explain to him we’re a Wetherspoons, but he didn’t really understand.”
“He just kept asking for the best view in the house. So I’ve put him next to the fruit machines.”
Jerome’s friend Ben Frinklin said “Jerome’s still pretty new to all of this. I mean, we could warn him. But he has to learn the hard way.
Just like we all did.”
Jerome’s girlfriend, Emily claimed “I know what he’s got planned. I overheard him on the phone.
I’m going to pretend to have a headache.”