Recent studies have suggested that the flailing economy on the Midsomer Norton highstreet is because of Candy Crush Saga, experts have warned.
The warnings come in lieu of an increasing amount of people now sending completely useless “virtual gifts” via Facebook games instead of tangible presents that have real world value.
The economic downturn is also being blamed on residents preferring to spend their weekends playing Facebook games such as Candy Crush Saga and Bejewelled Blitz instead of going outside, where real “non-digital” people can be found.
Gina DeCampo is an avid Facebook gamer who recently achieved the status of Level 63 Farmville Jedi Saga master.
“I sent my bestie Mary a digital rainbow coloured goat for her 21st. I think she really appreciated it, though come to think of it I haven’t heard from her since I sent it… 3 months ago.”
Dan Dante, a local retail expert, warns shoppers they need to start living in the real world.
“It is important to realise that a Black & Decker Lithium-Ion Screwdriver with Magnetic Screw Holder is substantially more useful than 5 free lives on Pet Rescue Saga.
Also, completing Level 30 of Bubble Safari is not as good as actually leaving the house and going for a run.”
The Norton nightlife has also been hit says local club owner Jerome Bustyfield.
“This Virtual Pub Wars Saga app allows men to pretend to be Bradley Cooper whilst buying digital drinks for other men pretending to be attractive 18 year old girls.”
“All from the comfort of their disgusting, filthy homes.”
“Well I for one would like to tell all these people that on a very fundamental level, they have failed in life.”
“And on a sidenote, if I get one more Facebook invitation about free gold bars for Diamond Dash I may very well lose my shit.”