Pub chain Wetherspoons have announced plans to turn The Palladium into a “Drive Thru” where punters can capitalise on cheap booze without having to be seen in a Wetherspoons.
“Being able to acquire a pint of Doombar for under £2 is a basic human right” claims local rights activist Jerome Bustyfield, “but as you can understand, not everyone is willing to suffer the humiliation of being seen inside a Wetherspoons.”
“Which is why we’re pleased to announce the first Wetherspoons one stop “Drive Thru” where customers can roll up, purchase cheap Fosters and Smirnoff Ice, and either take it home, drink it at the skate park or sneak it into Mallards.”
Local drinkers have welcomed the news, including socialite Iain Peacock,
“When I go out I like to drink gin and engage in jovial ridicule of political party leaders. Of course Wetherspoons is very much beneath me, but I can get utterly shitfaced for under a tenner, so this drive thru is a bloody brilliant idea.”
“I’ll spend every Saturday night excusing myself to the “toilet” whilst sneaking 80p Gordon’s measures into The Greyhound and my friends will be none the wiser.”
A spokesperson for Wetherspoons has claimed the venue is to be named “The Fist and Face” after Midsomer Norton’s inexplicable love affair with high-street brawling.