Last night’s thunder and lightning storm over Midsomer Norton has led to a dramatic increase of Internet ads requesting “thunder buddies”, it has emerged. Iain Peacock, a pathetic wimp from Westfield, used CraigsList to search for potential matches. “Match.com was only interested in whether I was looking for a serious relationship or a ‘bit of…
A new outreach program begins tomorrow to help delusional Spurs fans “face reality” and stop living in denial, in the latest council initiative. After spending the entire summer refusing to accept that Gareth Bale would ever leave the club, as well as believing their inferior signings will somehow inexplicably lead to them winning the league,…
TV adventurer Bear Grylls has been found wandering aimlessly and confused through Radstock this morning, news has emerged. Grylls was reported missing after telling close friends he was about to embark on his most dangerous and arduous expedition to date. Sgt. Jerome Bustyfield of Radstock police said in a statement he was found in good…
Fans of TV series Breaking Bad are claiming the show has ruined everything now that it has concluded and they are forced to return to the tedious monotony of real life. Radstock resident Iain Peacock, a fan from the beginning, was one of the first to speak out. “The prospect of watching a barrage of…
The 18-30 community of Midsomer Norton have been forced to admit that club Fat Sams “can’t be all that bad” after consistently failing to follow through on multiple vows never to go there again. According to recent survey, 98% of local residents under 30 who had sworn they’d never return to the club after waking…
The recent flurry of terrible software upgrades such as Apple’s iOS7 and the Start Menuless Windows 8 has triggered council plans to “update” the High Street in order to make it utterly pathetic, it has been announced. “We like trends.” a council spokesperson stated. “And the trend at the moment is to take something relatively…
US President Barack Obama has today continued efforts to forge a UN coalition in support of military intervention against Midsomer Norton during Friday and Saturday nights, it has emerged. Speaking in a press conference today, Obama was confident plans would progress. “It is clear that the UK government isn’t adequately dealing with the increasingly worrying…
TV oddball Karl Pilkington claims to have found his ideal destination after a recent trip to Midsomer Norton. A spokesperson for Pilkington claimed that Midsomer Norton’s unspoken mantra of rejecting new ideas and snubbing the hopes and dreams of others fitted in well with the TV star’s general outlook of life. “Mr. Pilkington has found…
The local area has been at near anarchy today after breaking news has emerged that a Radstock resident has been offended by something he saw on the Internet. The man, whose identity has not been released, came across the offensive content when searching the Internet yesterday. Iain Peacock, head of the Internet Police, travelled to…
Recent studies have suggested that the flailing economy on the Midsomer Norton highstreet is because of Candy Crush Saga, experts have warned. The warnings come in lieu of an increasing amount of people now sending completely useless “virtual gifts” via Facebook games instead of tangible presents that have real world value. The economic downturn is…
