The Greyhound is to be converted into a Japanese Rock Zen Garden where drinkers can “find themselves” between pubs, in the latest council initiative to combat weekend violence. The news comes as the Greyhound Pub once again announces that it is to close its doors because “everyone is really, really mean”. The state-of-the-art Rock Garden…
Our photographer on-the-ground has been busy taking… photos. Funnily enough. But where exactly on the Midsomer Norton high-street have these 6 photos zoomed-in photos been taken? (email ccharles_03 [at] hotmail [dot] com with as many correct answers as possible by Friday midnight and winner gets name mentioned on the site. Because we don’t really have…
People will no longer give a flying fuck about anything other than watching On-Demand TV or getting completely shitfaced for the next few days, scientists have predicted. Professor Dan Dante – from the Research Institute of Weekend Studies – claims that this sort of behaviour occurs about once every week, typically on or around Friday…
Manchester United fans have begun to contemplate the meaning of life as well as other philosophical conundrums now that they aren’t entirely consumed with winning everything. “A 2-2 draw with Fulham just isn’t something I particularly want to dwell on for very long” said Man United fan Jerome Bustyfield, from Radstock. “I really needed something…
Midsomer Norton elders have announced plans to release a brand new TV channel which is going to be even worse than ITV2 and Channel 5, news has emerged. A spokesperson has claimed the new channel, which will feature people from the Norton-Radstock area, will use ITV2 as a benchmark for what they can get away…
Midsomer Norton town council has announced plans to rename Valentine’s Day to “Loneliness Awareness Day” because that is essentially what it is. A spokesperson for the town council announced the plans today. “Perhaps people have made past mistakes, perhaps they’re just really ugly. Whatever the reason, it is important to make people aware that they…
Midsomer Norton has announced that it is to relocate from the UK in search of better weather and slightly less pathetic politicians. “People assume we’re leaving just because the weather is shit.” “Well, to be fair, that is pretty much it.” “But we’re also going to indiscriminately moan about British politics and the amount of…
A council initiative has been launched in Midsomer Norton to teach people how to stop being so fucking annoying on Facebook. Dan Dante, a council spokesperson, claims the scheme kicks off next week. “It may come as a bit of a shock to some people, but Facebook is actually not the go-to place to post…
The crocodile reportedly on the loose in Bristol is “me missus without ‘er make-up”, according to a flurry of Facebook status updates posted by every man in the area. Reports of a crocodile on the loose in the Bristol area has residents on alert, but there is no need to worry as everything is okay…
The Loch Ness Monster has been spotted holidaying in the River Somer along the Midsomer Norton Highstreet, local papers have reported. Eagle-eyed photographers snapped photos of Loch Ness with his family taking an early-year break from the wintry showers over Scotland, where he is currently filming his latest movie “The Dreaded Loch Ness Whose Secretly…
