Residents of Midsomer Norton are on alert after being told to brace themselves to expect the most completely typical winter since records began. Local basement-dwelling meteorologist Jerome Bustyfield has warned that the weather will slowly become a little less like summer, because winter is approaching, and that’s what usually happens. “Midsomer Norton will soon be…
Midsomer Norton and Radstock town councils have confirmed that roadworks occur just to annoy you. A council spokesperson confirmed the news after Norton and Radstock strategically places roadworks and temporary traffic lights on nearly every busy road in the area. “Seriously, what do you actually think we’re doing down there?” asked council road worker Jerome…
Now the summer holidays have begun, Midsomer Norton police have warned residents to be on the watch out for gangs of antisocial school teachers hanging around street corners. “Sadly, at around this time every year we have to deal with hordes of disorderly school teachers from Norton Hill and Somervale celebrating the end of term.”…
No resolution has been reached by Midsomer Norton town council officials as to whether thunderstorms are cool or scary, insiders have revealed. Council officials have met for another heated debate today following last night’s dramatic storm, which has reignited the controversial and highly divisive dispute that has shrouded thunderstorms for several decades. An insider claimed…
The local undead community has claimed the Midsomer Norton Fayre Fun Day, held in the town centre, to be the most successful yet. Record breaking crowds of ghosts and a plethora of their fun fayre rides all turned up to the annual event, albeit most human attendees were unable to see any of it. “The…
The weekend forecast of rain has been blamed on the collective wishes of bitter people who couldn’t get tickets for Glastonbury, it has emerged. After 3 weeks of glorious heat and sunshine, the first day of Glastonbury is expected to see torrential rainfall, much to the utter, hysterical delight of everyone not going. “We all…
Midsomer Norton’s male geek community are swooping on the ladies with unprecedented success as their more socially acceptable competition are all busy shouting men’s names at a television screen. “We have literally never had it so good” said War Hammer enthusiast Jerome Bustyfield, “We’ve all been rehearsing our ‘what’s all the fuss about this game’…
Midsomer Norton has been labelled dull and tedious now all the exciting drug-fuelled antics have stopped. Raids last month have dried up the area’s drug supply, giving many residents no other choice than to face the dreary monotony of real life. “It used to be such a magical place where you felt like anything could…
Despite the enticing nature of something called a Fun Fair, it is ultimately just a field full of people shouting over loud noises, residents have warned. “For some reason people always think that Fun Fairs are going to be exciting, almost magical places” said sociologist Iain Peacock, “Up until the point when they get there…
Councillors have opted to leave the future of the Wunderbar up to how its locals perform in a series of hilarious challenges, it has been revealed. The local council today announced that the fate of the popular cellar bar – which is facing closure – will depend solely on a bungling, inept motley crew of…
