Midsomer Norton council has issued an urgent press release this afternoon reminding residents that HBO’s Game of Thrones doesn’t depict real life. Frenzied chaos exploded on the High Street yesterday afternoon after a fictional character from a fictional show who no one has actually met in person was written out of a script portraying fiction….
The latest road developments in Radstock town centre were inspired by 1986 classic “The Labyrinth“, it has emerged. Exciting new additions will include pebbled roads that continually evolve in shape and direction, as well as access to Bath New Road only being granted to road users who can answer a series of puzzling riddles correctly….
On Saturday night Glastonbury goers will get to choose between listening to Kanye West rapping about the ‘N’ word, or 2 hours of George Osbourne MP justifying the 2015 budget. “We had to top Kanye somehow. What better way than the Chancellor of the Exchequer himself?” said organiser Emily Eavis. “Festival goers will be literally…
After news of Costa Coffee’s likely arrival to Midsomer Norton, everyone has agreed that a coffee place is just what Midsomer Norton needs. “If there is one thing I though Norton was lacking, it’s a place to get a cup of coffee.” says local resident Jerome Bustyfield, “In fact I literally cannot think of a…
The last time a group of friends have all met each other at the time and place originally suggested was in May 2004, a study has revealed. Jerome Bustyfield from the Foundation of Research has claimed no group of friends have kept to their original plans to meet up for over a decade, thanks largely…
People who own selfie sticks – a.k.a. narcissism wands – are all self-loving, egotistical cunts, studies have revealed. “Our research has shown a selfie stick is three times more likely to make you a pathologically self-absorbed shit” said Jerome Bustyfield from the Foundation of Research, “Even if you own one ‘ironically’ “. Taking photos of…
The black and white footage purporting to depict Norton Radstock in the 1960s has been faked, say local conspiracy theorists. Published by the Somerset Guardian last week, the footage has undergone intense scrutiny by basement dwelling, tinfoil apparel enthusiasts. “Look at the shadows of the cars in frame 1043 at 3 seconds past the 3…
Husbands and boyfriends of Midsomer Norton are praying that the new Wetherspoons will be open in time for Valentine’s Day. Husband of 5 years Jerome Bustyfield said “Nothing sums up the love and respect I have for my wife quite like a BBQ burger and chips for under £5. Washed down with a quality sauvignon…
Pub chain Wetherspoons have announced plans to turn The Palladium into a “Drive Thru” where punters can capitalise on cheap booze without having to be seen in a Wetherspoons. “Being able to acquire a pint of Doombar for under £2 is a basic human right” claims local rights activist Jerome Bustyfield, “but as you can…
Troubled veteran celebrity Ollie the Otter – who shot to fame after being spotted on the River Somer way back on December 11th 2014 – is to retire from public life after a series of drug fuelled meltdowns. Ollie’s illustrious career saw him win the collective hearts of Midsomer Norton residents, as well as a…
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