The last time a group of friends have all met each other at the time and place originally suggested was in May 2004, a study has revealed. Jerome Bustyfield from the Foundation of Research has claimed no group of friends have kept to their original plans to meet up for over a decade, thanks largely…
People who own selfie sticks – a.k.a. narcissism wands – are all self-loving, egotistical cunts, studies have revealed. “Our research has shown a selfie stick is three times more likely to make you a pathologically self-absorbed shit” said Jerome Bustyfield from the Foundation of Research, “Even if you own one ‘ironically’ “. Taking photos of…
The black and white footage purporting to depict Norton Radstock in the 1960s has been faked, say local conspiracy theorists. Published by the Somerset Guardian last week, the footage has undergone intense scrutiny by basement dwelling, tinfoil apparel enthusiasts. “Look at the shadows of the cars in frame 1043 at 3 seconds past the 3…
Husbands and boyfriends of Midsomer Norton are praying that the new Wetherspoons will be open in time for Valentine’s Day. Husband of 5 years Jerome Bustyfield said “Nothing sums up the love and respect I have for my wife quite like a BBQ burger and chips for under £5. Washed down with a quality sauvignon…
Pub chain Wetherspoons have announced plans to turn The Palladium into a “Drive Thru” where punters can capitalise on cheap booze without having to be seen in a Wetherspoons. “Being able to acquire a pint of Doombar for under £2 is a basic human right” claims local rights activist Jerome Bustyfield, “but as you can…
Troubled veteran celebrity Ollie the Otter – who shot to fame after being spotted on the River Somer way back on December 11th 2014 – is to retire from public life after a series of drug fuelled meltdowns. Ollie’s illustrious career saw him win the collective hearts of Midsomer Norton residents, as well as a…
Midsomer Norton has once again successfully celebrated the annual rioting festival known as “Black Friday” yesterday. Often dubbed ‘The Purge Friday’, shoppers from all over the Norton-Radstock area emerged from their houses to pummel each other with heavily discounted kettles and iPod docking stations. “We usually go away for Black Friday, but this year we…
Avid light bulb spotters braved the rain last night for the annual lighting solutions fiesta. Dozens of mobile carts on wheels paraded down the High Street last night, showcasing some of the world’s rarest and most renowned light bulbs, in what many are dubbing the planet’s most impressive and diverse array of lighting solutions ever…
Despite the clocks changing twice a year for several decades, everyone is still in a state of inexplicable confusion and shock over the arrival of darkness, it has emerged. When the clocks went back, or possibly forward, on Saturday, or maybe Sunday, everything has just gone really fucking weird, say residents. “When I finished work…
Midsomer Norton’s collective of taxi companies have announced a permanent ban on taxi rides that both begin and end in Midsomer Norton. Local cabbie Iain Peacock said “Walk, you lazy cunt.”
