Midsomer Norton’s male geek community are swooping on the ladies with unprecedented success as their more socially acceptable competition are all busy shouting men’s names at a television screen. “We have literally never had it so good” said War Hammer enthusiast Jerome Bustyfield, “We’ve all been rehearsing our ‘what’s all the fuss about this game’…
Midsomer Norton has been labelled dull and tedious now all the exciting drug-fuelled antics have stopped. Raids last month have dried up the area’s drug supply, giving many residents no other choice than to face the dreary monotony of real life. “It used to be such a magical place where you felt like anything could…
Despite the enticing nature of something called a Fun Fair, it is ultimately just a field full of people shouting over loud noises, residents have warned. “For some reason people always think that Fun Fairs are going to be exciting, almost magical places” said sociologist Iain Peacock, “Up until the point when they get there…
Councillors have opted to leave the future of the Wunderbar up to how its locals perform in a series of hilarious challenges, it has been revealed. The local council today announced that the fate of the popular cellar bar – which is facing closure – will depend solely on a bungling, inept motley crew of…
People across Midsomer Norton and Radstock are already developing cunning strategies on how to best avoid Liverpool FC fans this summer. Liverpool are amongst the two favourite teams to win the Premier League. And with only two matches remaining, many are warning that a Liverpool victory will cause an inevitable surge of insufferably self-righteous twats…
An abstract painting, above, by famed graffiti artist Banksy has been found this morning on the walls of one of the Welton Bibby & Baron buildings. The painting, dubbed THE CUNX, has art critics worldwide pondering what profound meaning it is attempting to convey. Jerome Bustyfield, the curator for the Radstock Museum of Urban Art,…
Everyone in Midsomer Norton will try and outsmart each other by going to the pub earlier than usual this Easter Sunday to try and avoid the Bank Holiday rush. Thousands of drinkers will think they’re being clever by frequenting their preferred drinking spots about “half an hour earlier”. “It’s a sound tactic on paper” claimed…
People who either read the Game of Thrones novels or watch episodes when they air in the US can now be legally put to death for giving away plotlines, Midsomer Norton Councillors have confirmed. Councillors have agreed that anyone who knows about future plotlines or twists will be strictly forbidden from taking to Facebook or…
After police close Stones Cross pub for drug offences, authorities have warned local residents of an expected increase of thirsty vampires who will have nowhere to go now. For centuries the Stones Cross Pub has acted as a supernatural drinking portal between the fiery realms of demonic night-creatures and planet Earth. But now residents are…
Experts have warned that the imminent arrival of Mother’s Day will soon trigger the start of the annual plague of lost, confused and panicked males who will soon descend towards the Norton High Street. Experts have claimed that from Friday the town centre is going to be full of disillusioned and flummoxed males who thought…
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