Hundreds of residents across Midsomer Norton are looking forward to once again not being able to recall a thing about their wholly unexceptional nights out, it has been reported. Ever since pub Mallards closed its doors at the end of 2016, local drinkers have complained that they couldn’t get shit-faced enough to forget about their…
Large gatherings of people in Frome have been attributed to the town’s famous “Potato and Seed Swap” day, sources have confirmed. Dubbed ‘the only place to go for any keen gardener or allotmenteer needs‘, the country market event is known for its exceptional deals on a variety of garden based vegetables and seeds. As TV…
Pokémon Go character Pikachu has been arrested in Midsomer Norton skatepark on drug related charges, sources have revealed. According to a police spokesperson, officers were called to the skate park after reports of someone harassing the public by demanding they throw balls at him. “Officers arrived at the scene to discover an obviously intoxicated individual…
Only days after the M-Fest festival in Midsomer Norton comes to an end, unconfirmed rumours have already started spreading over which acts will headline M-Fest 2017. Acts like “those guys with the guitars” and “that quite tall brunette woman” impressed many dozens of festival goers in the iconic “lorry in the middle of the road”…
Heterosexual men in Midsomer Norton are insisting to their spouses that they need to get absolutely shitfaced in town this weekend or risk being labelled massive homophobes. June 18th sees Midsomer Norton’s first ever Gay Pride Festival, which will feature live music, comedy performances, art pieces and more importantly, pubs that sell delicious alcohol. Local…
Facebook pages ‘MadeInNorton’ and ‘TodayIsAllAboutBath’ are heading for all-out bloody war with each other, of which the likes the world have never seen, experts have today warned. The bitter rivalry between the two divisive Facebook pages has spanned across many decades, resulting in numerous skirmishes, airstrikes and even trade sanctions. But experts are now warning…
Summer 2016 has been laid to rest at Midsomer Norton cemetery in a private yet “intimate” funeral ceremony, sources have revealed. The season tragically passed away on May 8th 2016 at the tender age of five days, following a short yet courageous battle with a transatlantic jet stream. Amongst those attending were seasons Autumn and…
Summer has confirmed it’s just fucking with our emotions by tricking us into believing we may see something other than overwhelming bleakness over the next 3 or 4 months. “I try to do it every year” explained the season, “A week or two of sunshine in early May, just to give you all a taste…
The opening of Midsomer Norton’s Wetherspoons has been delayed after a family of ghosts have been found living in the abandoned cinema. The opening date for the Wetherspoons outlet has already been delayed before, but the discovery of four immortal souls – one of whom appears to be overtly sociable – is expected to cause…
12 people have died and 34 are still missing after Midsomer Norton was devastated by an overwhelming two centimetres of snow that fell over a single five hour period earlier. Alarms were raised early yesterday after local dog walker Jerome Bustyfield saw a single snowflake float to the ground at some time after 8am. “I…
