The Easter Bunny has announced Easter has been cancelled in Midsomer Norton and across the South West, citing “logistical difficulties due to extreme weather conditions”. The announcement comes amidst yet another snow flurry to hit Midsomer Norton within two weeks. “Honestly, it’s been a fucking nightmare.” said the Easter Bunny. “Key suppliers have been delayed….
When the white stuff begins to fall, you know who you’re friends truly are. And they’re probably one of these 8. 1. The Child As soon as the first snowflake settles on the ground, the child instantly regresses to an infant-like state, full of wonder and unadulterated excitement. Despite being a 28-year old financial ledger…
Yesterday’s devastating earthquake that affected areas including Midsomer Norton, Bristol and Bath is going to be turned into an epic adventure disaster movie, sources have revealed. While details are being kept tight-lipped, rumours suggest the plot will focus on the heroics of local Midsomer Norton resident Jerome Bustyfield during the earthquake’s aftermath, which was spent…
Prince Harry’s stag will take him down the usual Crossways, Mallards and possibly Fat Sams route, Buckingham Palace has confirmed this morning. While many suspected the prince may have opted to go upmarket and head to Bath, sources at the palace have finally confirmed he’ll probably just wind up on the High Street before making…
Hundreds of residents across Midsomer Norton are looking forward to once again not being able to recall a thing about their wholly unexceptional nights out, it has been reported. Ever since pub Mallards closed its doors at the end of 2016, local drinkers have complained that they couldn’t get shit-faced enough to forget about their…
Large gatherings of people in Frome have been attributed to the town’s famous “Potato and Seed Swap” day, sources have confirmed. Dubbed ‘the only place to go for any keen gardener or allotmenteer needs‘, the country market event is known for its exceptional deals on a variety of garden based vegetables and seeds. As TV…
Pokémon Go character Pikachu has been arrested in Midsomer Norton skatepark on drug related charges, sources have revealed. According to a police spokesperson, officers were called to the skate park after reports of someone harassing the public by demanding they throw balls at him. “Officers arrived at the scene to discover an obviously intoxicated individual…
Only days after the M-Fest festival in Midsomer Norton comes to an end, unconfirmed rumours have already started spreading over which acts will headline M-Fest 2017. Acts like “those guys with the guitars” and “that quite tall brunette woman” impressed many dozens of festival goers in the iconic “lorry in the middle of the road”…
Heterosexual men in Midsomer Norton are insisting to their spouses that they need to get absolutely shitfaced in town this weekend or risk being labelled massive homophobes. June 18th sees Midsomer Norton’s first ever Gay Pride Festival, which will feature live music, comedy performances, art pieces and more importantly, pubs that sell delicious alcohol. Local…
Facebook pages ‘MadeInNorton’ and ‘TodayIsAllAboutBath’ are heading for all-out bloody war with each other, of which the likes the world have never seen, experts have today warned. The bitter rivalry between the two divisive Facebook pages has spanned across many decades, resulting in numerous skirmishes, airstrikes and even trade sanctions. But experts are now warning…
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